Si Seulement
by Crazy Cravat
Summary: Fate brings a school nurse and a werewolf together. PoA time frame. Read and Review.
1. Blast From The Past

It was a lovely morning and as usual on Sunday mornings, Poppy made her way to Minerva's rooms for their routine Sunday tea. She knocked on the door lightly and waited. Minerva opened the door and ushered her inside, to where Poppy noticed the tea and cakes had already been set on the table.  
  
"I expect Ro, Pomona, Irma, and Celene are on their way?" Poppy asked conversationally as she sat in her usual spot, on the window seat, leaning her arm on the window sill. Minerva nodded and moved towards her to sit in the chaise just opposite the window beside the lovely cherry wood book shelf. She glanced at the younger woman and seemed to be thinking deeply.  
  
Poppy tilted her head, looking wonderingly at the older witch. Minerva looked a little too pensive for her peace of mind. "Something wrong?" She asked, sitting up straighter and brushing back her curly tawny ash colored hair over her shoulder in one fluid motion.  
  
Minerva glanced up, and smiled the tiniest of smiles. "Oh it's nothing, really. I was just pondering over everything that's happened lately. Sirius Black's escape from Azkaban... and well, I was just thinking too, over Harry's running away from his muggle relatives. It was such a good thing that Cornelius found him..." Minerva said quietly, looking down.  
  
The school mediwitch rose and moved towards her, placing a hand on her shoulder softly. "I know. It was quite a scare. The poor boy..." Poppy murmured quietly. It HAD been quite a scare. Poppy had grown quite fond of Harry in all the times he'd been in the hospital wing with a plethora of injuries. He certainly reminded her of another former student that had also made frequent visits to the hospital wing. Who had been in her care for nearly the whole of his schooling. Someone she had come to care for greatly.  
  
Minerva sighed, bringing Poppy back to earth, to the here and now. "I only hope this whole thing will be sorted out. That boy has enough on his plate as it is." Minerva mused aloud sadly and then seemed to remember something else entirely. She blinked, turning to Poppy with a small smile. "I almost forgot to say, Albus has found a new appointment for the Defense Against the Dark Arts position." She commented, sitting back in the chaise.  
  
Poppy quirked up an eyebrow. "Really now? I do hope this person is an improvement over the last two." The mediwitch smirked, thinking of Quirrell who'd been quite possessed by Voldemort and of Gilderoy Lockhart who'd lost his memory after being the failure of all failures. "Yes, quite an improvement, and I am sure you'll agree." Minerva laughed, adjusting her emerald green robes.  
  
Poppy's eyebrows arched even higher. "We'll just have to see if I agree or not. It'd be nice to know who I'll be agreeing or disagreeing in favor of, you know." She retorted, very curious now. She moved towards the window again, her own gray-teal robes rustling a bit in the breeze that filtered in through the window, just a little amused that Minerva in her own way had picked up Ro's habit of teasing her. It's like in those muggle cartoons she'd heard about, the carrot dangling from the stick ploy. "Well I know you'll be agreeing as Albus requested one Remus J. Lupin, and he naturally accepted." Minerva finally replied.  
  
Her heart skipping a few beats, Poppy turned away from the window to face Minerva, willing herself to keep a casual and clear expression. No one knew. No one needed to know. "Really? That's delightful. I admit, a definite improvement." She smiled her trademark smile. The transfigurations professor returned that smile. "Yes, indeed. I just wanted to tell you now before the others came. I know he was a favorite of yours." Minerva told her, getting to her feet just as there was a knock at the door. "That'll be the others." She murmured and went to admit them into the room.  
  
While she did that, Poppy turned back to the window to look out on the grounds. Could Minerva possibly know? No, she couldn't. It was a safely guarded secret. No one could have known. Could they? She hadn't revealed anything had she? Poppy sighed and leaned her head against the stained glass window, wondering if anything would change. She wondered if they even could.  
  
"Si seulement..." Poppy murmured to herself as her friends entered the room: Ro, the pert faced lean and average height flying instructor, Pomona the shorter and stocky happy rosy faced Herbology professor, Irma the flinty and angular faced school librarian, and Celene the dark haired and nymph-like Astronomy professor.  
  
"Oh you're here first as usual, Poppy," Ro rolled her yellow hawk eyes, "did we miss anything?"  
  
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Later that evening, when Poppy returned to her rooms, she pondered a little more. As she dressed and readied herself for bed, she paused by her open window. The stars were shining brightly and she could just make out Celene atop the Astronomy tower stargazing as she usually did. Poppy wondered vaguely if there wasn't something more to Celene's stargazing. Maybe she was searching the stars for her special person. She was the most romantic of the group after all.  
  
Smiling a small smile, Poppy waved away the thought and moved to the mirror to brush out her curly hair before she went to sleep. It certainly helped and made it less of a mess in the mornings. Once she'd finished she set down her brush and paused, staring at her reflection for a few moments.  
  
She took in her grey eyes and soft features, her curly tawny ash colored hair, and her tall and very well shaped frame. She didn't quite look it but she was forty three. It's funny, but most witches and wizards don't start showing their age until considerably later in life. Maybe it was the fact that their life spans were considerably longer than that of muggles. Her own mother had been quite something. At nigh onto sixty she didn't look too far from late thirties. It certainly seemed that she would be inheriting that trait from her mother, she thought ruefully. It was even more amusing that aside from her ashy colored hair, that surprisingly enough had nothing to do with age, she looked barely into her late twenties herself.  
  
Shrugging, Poppy turned away from the mirror and from her musings and went to her bed, pulling back the blankets to slip under them. As she lay there in the dark, with the moonlight spilling in through the stained glass window, she wondered if Remus' impending arrival would complicate things for her. Even more frustrating to her was the fact that in the deepest part of her heart, she welcomed the complication.  
  
"Si seulement..." Poppy murmured, closing her eyes and letting sleep overtake her. 


	2. Welcoming Feast

Two days later, found Poppy tidying the hospital wing. It was September first, the day she looked forward to the most, next to Christmas of course. Smiling brightly, she dusted, folded and cleaned to her hearts content, trying hard not to look at her lovely antique grandfather clock just inside her small and cozy office. Trying was the operative word. She'd managed to not look at it for at least half an hour at a time.  
  
Sneaking a glance, Poppy sighed a little. "You're quite mad. It's only ten in the morning." She muttered to herself, cursing herself for being such an early riser as she went back to her cleaning of the wing. She worked for another half hour before the door of the wing opened to admit Celene Sinistra, her navy blue robes complimenting her deep blue eyes.  
  
She smiled and shook her head. "Hard at work this early in the morning, Poppy? Tsk tsk, so completely predictable of you." Celene smiled and moved inside.  
  
"I do believe that's something Ro would say. Methinks you've been spending too much time with her." Poppy retorted with a grin as she finished her cleaning to sit down lightly on one of the hospital beds. "That one's a right nutter. I was just out to see her and she's already on the quidditch field this early in the morning." Celene smirked and remained standing. Poppy laughed, just picturing the scene in her mind. "That's Ro for you: Quidditch Nutter Extraordinaire."  
  
The two spent the rest of the morning talking, prompting Poppy to conjure tea and scones for them. It was quite the easy morning spent chatting and reminiscing, but yet Poppy was really looking forward to the evening. To the welcoming feast...  
  
"Poppy are you there?" Celene asked, waving a small and slender hand before the mediwitch. Poppy glanced up, a little startled out of her thoughts. She blinked and then came to realize she'd zoned out. "Sorry, Celene. Yes, I'm here." She said.  
  
Celene however, continued to look skeptical. "Are you quite sure? You've been a little more lost in your thoughts than usual. Is something wrong?" A sincere look of worry surfaced on Celene's pert face. Poppy nodded, taking a moment to compose herself. If she didn't take care, they would all discover what she wanted to keep secret and silent in her heart.  
  
"Nothing is wrong, Celene. It's just been one of those weeks for me is all." She said, silently praying that Celene would believe it was because of her Empathic abilities and not because of anything else. Celene looked thoughtful for a moment or two before she nodded. "I see. Well all I can say is that I hope you find time to rest. We don't want you to be wiped out before the term even starts." Celene told her.  
  
Nodding her head slightly, Poppy looked down at her hands. "No we don't want that, now do we?"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Poppy got through the rest of the day making sure things in the wing were in order for the start of term as well as making a visit to Pomona in her greenhouse that afternoon. All the while marveling at just what Pomona had in store for this year. It really perked Poppy up to see it all. After all, it had been a while since she'd actually been down to the greenhouses. As such, it was quite amusing to see the Venemous Tentacula moving about beyond the window to greenhouse three.  
  
After that, Poppy of course went back into the castle and up to her own rooms to prepare for the welcoming feast. After she'd bathed she donned her trademark red gown and tossed on her preferred white apron, smoothing out the tiny wrinkles here and there as best she could.  
  
"Now for that hair, dear girl." Poppy murmured, running her brush through her hair before she baretted it back. Smiling, she completely skipped glancing in the mirror. Instead she moved out of the room and down the corridor on her way to the Great Hall.  
  
As she reached the bottom of the steps, her heart skipping a few beats in anticipation she found herself accosted by one Percy Weasley. "Professor McGonagall asked that you come to her office, Madam." He informed her, in a voice both rich and serious. She spared him a quizzical glance before she nodded and headed around the bend and down the immediate corridor which was brightly lit, mostly in part by the candelabra and the reflections on the stained glass windows.  
  
Stopping before the Minerva's office, she knocked before she entered. Minerva of course sat behind her desk, but there were two others in the office. She took in the sight of Hermione Granger and Harry Potter who had been sitting facing Minerva, but were now facing her as she had just entered the room. She could only imagine this had to do with Potter and his amazing penchant for sustaining injuries of all sorts.  
  
"Oh, it's you, is it?" Poppy inquired, bending down to look closely at Harry. "I suppose you've been doing something dangerous again?" Her maternal instincts going into overdrive.  
  
At this point, Minerva made a small sound in her throat. "It was a dementor, Poppy." She informed the mediwitch, both of them exchanging dark looks. Of course, that would be it wouldn't it, she mused to herself.  
  
"Setting dementors around a school." She clucked disapprovingly as she pushed Harry's hair back and felt his forehead, not at all surprised by the coldness or dampness she felt. "He won't be the last who collapses. Yes, he's all clammy. Terrible things, they are, and the effect they have on people who are already delicate--"  
  
Harry's eyebrows hoisted main sail at this. He looked positively outraged. "I'm not delicate!" He exclaimed, ducking his head under her hand. Checking his pulse, Poppy responded absently. "Of course you're not."  
  
"What does he need?" Minerva asked crisply, taking both Poppy's and Harry's attention. "Bed rest? Should he perhaps spend tonight in the hospital wing?" The Deputy Headmistress suggested.  
  
Even if Harry hadn't been outraged before, he certainly was now. "I'm fine!" He exclaimed again, jumping up from his chair.  
  
"Well, he should have some chocolate, at the very least," Poppy suggested, trying to peer into Harry's eyes.  
  
"I've already had some," Harry told the fussing mediwitch and the concerned Deputy Headmistress. "Professor Lupin gave me some. He gave it to all of us." He went on to add.  
  
"Did he now?" Poppy asked approvingly, thanking Merlin that no one could hear her heartbeat quicken. "So we've finally got a Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher who knows his remedies?" She asked no one in particular, very much proud of him.  
  
"Are you sure you feel all right, Potter?" Minerva asked sharply, concern still etched in her features.  
  
"Yes!" Was Harry's emphatic reply to the question. He certainly was fine if he could summon up all that indignance as he had, Poppy mused to herself as she tried hard not to roll her eyes. The boy was something else. Truly.  
  
"Very well, kindly wait outside while I have a quick word with Miss Granger about her course schedule, then we can go down to the feast together." Minerva directed, sending Poppy a look of thanks before the mediwitch left the room with Harry behind her.  
  
Inclining her head, she left Potter to wait for his friend and moved into the Great Hall, murmuring disapprovingly of the dementors.  
  
Really, how was anyone to focus on school or anything else for that matter with those horrors floating around? She could only hope that no student would run afoul of them. She'd already had many a talk with Albus on the subject and she recognized he could do nothing about the situation. Sighing, she walked through the hall to her seat at the staff table on the left side of Albus, to the right of Celene and Filius.  
  
Poppy frowned when she noticed an empty spot beside the Herbology professor. Glancing down to the other end of the table she took in the seating arrangement. Minerva who had just entered the room usually sat to the right of Albus. Beside her sat Severus and then Hagrid whom she knew would be taking the post of Care of Magical Creatures in place of Michael Kettleburn. Professors Vector, Bembridge, and Woodsyn of the Arithmancy, Muggle Studies, and Study of Runes departments rarely ate dinner in the Great Hall. They chose to have their meals alone, much like Sibyll Trelawney in that respect.  
  
Knowing immediately who would be taking that spot beside Filius, she paused, stilling her heart. Of course by this time she knew instinctively that he had just seated himself down in that seat and knew that his eyes were upon her. She turned and caught his eyes, a soft smile on her face acting as her greeting to him.  
  
Remus smiled back for a long moment. Somehow she just knew deep down, that nothing had changed. 


	3. In The Eyes

Later that same evening, Remus found himself making his way up the main stairwell of the castle to the hospital wing. Just as he was turning down the corridor he stopped, as he had nearly tread over Mrs. Norris. He looked down at Argus Filch's cat and was it just him, or was she looking at him strangely? The cat mewed and gave him a clearly mistrustful look and sauntered away.  
  
Shaking his head, Remus sighed and walked past the spot and down the corridor for a few more paces before he opened the door and stepped into the hospital wing. As he shut the door, he couldn't help but spare a glance around. Everything looked precisely as it had in his youth. Nothing seemed to have changed.  
  
Moving forward he inspected the bed linens and the curtains that hung by the beds. Running his hand along the material he smiled slightly. Egyptian eyelet. He remembered her mentioning she had wanted to get some for the wing. It seemed she finally had.  
  
His ears pricked, hearing a few sounds coming to his left. Remus turned and noticed the door to Poppy's office was slightly ajar and he could hear her muttering to herself. Just barely curious, he moved forward silently towards the door. He had lifted his hand to knock and alert her to his presence when he heard the subject to her muttering.  
  
"Ruddy poltergeist! Switching the medicines around and stealing my inventory list. Oh, he'll pay!" She groused to herself, organizing the medicine cabinet.  
  
Remus smiled a small smile at this. "Language, Poppy." He said, pulling open the door. She dropped her wand and spun to face him, her clear grey eyes surprised. Those eyes...  
  
"I hadn't heard you come in." She smiled a sheepish smile, picking up her wand, a few of her tresses falling away from her barrette to frame her face. "I didn't get a chance to really speak with you earlier, so naturally I couldn't ask how your journey was. I trust it was all right?" She said, gesturing for him to come inside and have a seat.  
  
Remus moved to the small sofa just beyond her neat cherry wood desk. She however moved to the small window seat below the lovely stained glass window. He took a moment to admire her there, with shafts of moonlight filtering in through the window to play upon her hair and her features. It seemed to him that she had taken on her true aspect, that he was seeing her for the first time.  
  
He remembered a moment just like this, many years ago. It had been just over three years since he'd left Hogwarts and he'd happened upon her in Linton, the village where he'd live and worked in his parents apothecary. He'd been keeping in touch with her and with Albus of course. Granted she hadn't known he worked there and that it was owned by his parents, but when she walked through the door wearing her hair down and dressed simply in a summer dress, it was as if time had stopped and the lines had faded. He'd remembered how simple and wholesome she had looked. She had not been the school mediwitch then. She'd been a woman. Just that.  
  
During the years at Hogwarts under her care he'd never exactly noticed her in such a way. It wasn't that she hadn't been beautiful, because she certainly had been and still was. She'd been in her twenties during his days there and even though he was younger and under her care, he always felt he could talk to her on an altogether different level. Years later he'd come to realize it was a meeting of the minds. Especially remembering his seventh year...  
  
He had loved her, but being the quiet and reclusive type of person he'd been and still was, he hadn't been able to clearly identify in just what way he'd loved her. In any case he only truly realized it after the years apart and the steady stream if communication they'd shared. It was surprising there hadn't been a parchment shortage with how often they wrote to each other. All through this their friendship had deepened and blossomed as he hadn't ever expected it could. It had been truly amazing. Now as he looked at her there, he was assaulted with memories upon memories and was suddenly aware of just how much he had missed her.  
  
He took a breath and reigned in his thoughts. "The journey was fine, though I'm sure we could have done without the visit from the dementor." Remus told her, answering her question. He was highly amused to see her nod with quite the angry look on her face.  
  
"I agree, but of course the Minister is adamant and will not be swayed." She groused softly, remembering her most recent talk with Albus on the subject. "He's just trying to do right by the situation, I'm sure." Remus said quietly, trying not to think of how lovely she looked, even in her anger.  
  
She sighed, nodding her head slightly. "I just worry for the students. Not all the chocolate in the world can ease the pain of what those horrors dredge up, after all." Poppy told him, feeling cold just thinking about it. Remus thought about what would go through her mind if a dementor ever got close. She'd lost her brother Stewart to Voldemort and she certainly didn't need to have it all replayed in her mind when she was so close to being able to put it to rest in her heart.  
  
Remus looked at her then as he rose and moved towards her. Laying his hand on hers, he looked deep into her eyes. "You're right, Poppy. I can only hope that this is sorted out soon, but somehow I don't know or expect that it will be." He said quietly, picturing Sirius in his mind. Padfoot...  
  
Poppy stared back at him, her eyes glistening slightly. "Remus it's still so hard to believe it..." She murmured, her voice trailing off as she looked down at her hands.  
  
Remus agreed more than anything. Even now he couldn't believe it. Why had Sirius done it? Sirius had been his and James' best friend, and Peter too. Why? What could have possessed him to do it? They'd been friends... why had he done it?  
  
Looking down, Remus realized that she'd turned her hand over and had twined her fingers with his. His heart beat quickened. Slowly, he lifted his eyes to hers. Those grey eyes looked back into his, full of sorrow for what had happened.  
  
As he looked back into her eyes, his hand clasped within hers, he wondered if her eyes could hold something else for him. Something else entirely  
  
"If only..."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
A little while later Remus entered his rooms, leaning heavily against the door. The feel of her hand was still there in his hand, as was her scent. Soft and if he could name the scent it would be wisteria and rose. It was intoxicating.  
  
He shook his head and moved away from the door to prepare for bed. However, as he lay back on the bed, he thought... of her. Of how she had looked in the moonlight. Of her eyes, her beautiful clear grey eyes. Of her hand in his.  
  
In that one moment, time had stopped for him. He wasn't a former charge. A former student. He wasn't a colleague, a fellow professor. He wasn't a wolf either. He'd been just a man. He'd been Remus J. Lupin. Simply that.  
  
In all his life he could never ever remember having a moment like that. Where he had been himself. Plain and simple, with no distinction. In that moment, something had stirred within him. Hope. A hope that... maybe... just maybe things would work out, somehow.  
  
Closing his eyes, he gave himself over to a dreamless sleep.  
  
"If only..." 


	4. Pepperup

"Sod it all! That can't be the last of the Pepperup Potions..." Poppy muttered angrily as she frantically searched her own private stores. Her medicine cabinet however stared back at her, quite devoid of Pepperup Potions. It was enough to make a grown woman cry, especially one who had come down with a severe cold. "You're a ruddy mediwitch for Merlin's sake! How can you have failed to restock your own private stores?!" She growled, levitating a box of tissues over.  
  
She sat down, a few tissues still clasped in her hand, and closed her eyes. "There's nothing for it. You're going to have to use some from the school's stores." She told herself. Sighing, she rose and descended to the hospital wing with the tissues still clasped in her hand. Happily enough, the wing was empty as she proceeded to the medicine cabinet in her office. She decided to only take a little of the Pepperup Potion, just enough to hold her over until she reordered some for herself.  
  
Seconds later she felt immediate relief. Gone was the stuffy nose, the congestion, the slight headache, and the coughing. "Loveliness, I can actually breathe." She sighed with a smile on her face. Vanishing the tissues she went back up to her rooms to change into appropriate wear for the day and descended yet again, proceeding down to the Great Hall for breakfast.  
  
On her way down the main stairwell she passed by Professor Bembridge of the Muggle Studies Department, looking a little worn for wear. "Rremly, are you quite all right?" Poppy asked concernedly, pausing on the steps. Glancing up, Rremly just smiled a small smile and sighed. "Quite fine, thank you."  
  
Poppy looked him levelly. "Have you caught the culprits behind the enchanted singing pencil sharpener?" She asked him shrewdly. At this he laughed quietly. "Actually as a matter of fact I have. Two Slytherin fifth years. Caught them just now chatting about it outside the Great Hall." Rremly sighed amusedly.  
  
Poppy couldn't stifle her laugh. It had been quite amusing. Imagine, enchanting a muggle pencil sharpener to sing "God Save The Queen" all hours of the day. Enough to drive one mad, it is. "I can only naturally assume they'll be having detention with you then this evening?" Poppy mused. He nodded emphatically in reply. "Quite right." Rremly chuckled and went on his way up the stairs. Still more than amused, Poppy went on her own way, down the stairs to the Great Hall.  
  
Brushing back a few tendrils of her hair, Poppy crossed the corridor and entered the Great Hall, the ceiling revealing a hazy but bright morning. The few shafts of light that filtered in lit up the staff table in golden sunshine where Albus, Minerva, Severus, Pomona, Filius, and Celene sat. As Rolanda usually slept in, Poppy wasn't surprised to see her chair empty. Rolanda wasn't much of a morning person.  
  
Briskly, Poppy made her way to her seat. After she'd sat down, she glanced at her suddenly full plate. There were scrambled eggs, kippers, toast, and milk. Smiling a small smile she took a bite of the eggs, savouring the taste. Taking another bite, she glanced over the hall, her eyes flitting from each of the house tables where the students sat eating and talking steadily. Her eyes traveled down the Gryffindor table where she spotted Harry, Ron, and Hermione down the way eating. However, Hermione wasn't doing much eating, what with her reading a book she'd propped up against the milk jug. That girl was so like Minerva, it was scary. How many times had she seen Minerva eating any meal while steadily reading a book or her notes? It was uncanny really.  
  
She then glanced at Harry. She knew whenever anyone saw him, they saw his father James. She had to admit he looked incredibly like his father, but of course he had Lily's eyes. Though, he may look like his father and may have inherited his father's quidditch prowress, but his temperment put her in mind of someone altogether different...  
  
Glancing up, Poppy spotted Remus walking down the aisle toward the staff table. As he neared he smiled a warm smile and sat himself down in his seat beside Pomona. Poppy smiled in return and went back to eating her breakfast meal. She took a sip of her milk and leaned back in her chair, staring straight up at the enchanted ceiling, thinking a little. It's been a while since she'd really talked with him. She wondered... but no...  
  
"Poppy are you all right?" Celene asked quietly, glancing at her concernedly as she set down her fork on her plate. Poppy averted her gaze from the ceiling to Celene. Shaking her head of her previous thoughts, she smiled a small smile. "Yes, I'm fine." Poppy told her reassuringly.  
  
Celene didn't looked terribly convinced. "Are you sure? You looked really pensive." The younger woman persisted, still very much concerned. Poppy nodded. "I was just thinking, that's all." She tried again to reassure Celene.  
  
She was still unconvinced, yet Celene nodded all the same, finishing the rest of her breakfast meal. Poppy wasted no time in finishing her own breakfast. Pretty soon the students were filing out of the Great Hall in droves. By the time Poppy cleared her dish and stood, the Great Hall was nearly empty excepting some seven scattered students, Filius, Remus and herself.  
  
As Filius ambled down the aisle, ushering the stray students out, Poppy moved towards Remus. "Well, first day of classes for the year. Good luck, Remus." She said, a warm smile lighting up her fair features. He too smiled and inclined his head. "Thank you, Poppy. I appreciate it and I know I'll need the luck. This is my first time teaching after all." He responded, walking down with her to the double doors.  
  
Poppy smiled a little. "I'm sure you'll do fine. You're very smart and clever, you'll do well by them." She told him quietly, glancing down a moment. A moment later, she felt him tip her chin up with his forefinger. Her heart beat just a little bit faster. He looked into her eyes. "Thank you, Poppy." He replied in his quiet voice and nodded his head before leaving the room to head to class.  
  
Just barely trembling, she stood there looking at where he'd been. He'd been so close. She lightly touched the spot where his fingers had been and closed her eyes a moment. The next moment she shook her head vigorously and snapped to attention, dropping her hand. Poppy turned and briskly left the Great Hall, heading back up to her post in the hospital wing. Entering inside she went into her office and shut the door, leaning heavily against it. She took a calming breath and let her eyes flit to the open window where sunlight spilled through.  
  
"Si seulement..."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
That evening she didn't go down to the Great Hall for dinner. Instead she had one of the house elves bring her dinner to her rooms, where she did something she hadn't done for a long while.  
  
Sitting at her window seat with the moonlight filtering in behind her and played soft Celtic melodies on her brother's violin. With her eyes closed she played from memory his favorite songs, letting herself remember him as was in life. She let herself remember his sense of humor, which had always been on the daft side, and his playfulness. She remembered when they'd been younger how they played for their parents, Stewart on his violin and Poppy accompanying him either on her cello, piano, or by singing.  
  
As she let herself remember, all the while playing those Celtic melodies, there was a knock at the door. Poppy stopped her playing, lifting her chin from the violin. "Come in." She called out, standing up from her spot.  
  
The door opened to admit Irma, two books in hand. "I see you're playing again." She remarked, coming inside. She eyed Poppy shrewdly, pursing her lips slightly. The mediwitch shrugged a little, still holding the violin.  
  
"It's been a while since I've played. I felt I really needed it." Poppy responded, looking down a little. Though, Poppy wished it wasn't common knowledge that she now tended to play more out of a need drain and empty herself. She'd noticed this sort of thing tended to be fuel for questions from her friends.  
  
However, Irma oddly enough never seemed to question her as the others did. Then again she was the most reclusive of the group and tended to steer clear from any of what she termed "girl talk" or any other such bonding moments. She prized her solitude and her strong independence. Yet, having empathic abilities Poppy could sense something deep and buried in Irma. Something that Poppy easily resonated with in some senses. She could just barely sense that for her independence and solitude, Irma was lonely. Though she kept herself so well guarded none would exactly see that. It seemed only Poppy could see and feel this.  
  
After all, even though Poppy had two wonderful parents and a host of close friends and colleagues here in the castle, in some parts of her she felt her heart and her empathic feelings and abilities were not truly being tested. She felt she had so much to give and yet, who exactly would she give it to? Aside from the brief glimpses into the students' lives through their various injuries and subsequent visits she did so little for them. Truly, Poppy wished she could do more. Wished she had children of her own.  
  
"Well, I'll leave you to your playing. I only came up to bring those two books you requested." Irma spoke, her voice reaching into Poppy's thoughts, bringing her from her reverie. She blinked and shook her head. "It's quite all right, Irma. You needn't go. I was glad to see you. I thank you, for bringing the books." Poppy replied with a small smile.  
  
Irma shook her head. "No, that's fine. I've some orders to fill for some new books anyway. You go on and play..." She told Poppy, her voice just barely softer than Poppy had ever heard it. "Play... for him." Irma added quietly as she turned and left the room.  
  
For a full minute, Poppy couldn't breathe. Her heart stopped and she literally felt herself go cold. She couldn't possibly know... could she? No! It's impossible! There's just no logical way for it to be even slightly possible.  
  
Then it dawned on her like cold rainwater, Irma didn't know. She'd been referring to Milo, a friend of their's and a former Ravenclaw. As the realization settled in, Poppy felt a sadness seep into her. She was the only one who knew. It was Poppy who had seen that she'd held a torch for Milo, ever since they'd left Hogwarts. Yet, it had been nigh on impossible for anything to come of it. Milo had gone into training to become a Ministry Ambassador and was gone for quite a long while and traveled quite a bit.  
  
Then... once he'd even remotely settled after his training and subsequent job placement back in Britain, it happened. Voldemort had come to power and things had been plunged into chaos. There were many times when he'd disappeared without so much as a goodbye, and they'd been forced to understand it was part of his job. Then... he'd been murdered. It was a blow to the Poppy and all of his friends, but most especially to Irma. She'd never been the same since...  
  
"Oh Irma..." Poppy lamented, playing a few plaintive Celtic melodies on her brother's violin, a few stray tears slipping down her face onto the violin.  
  
"Si seulement..." 


	5. Jests and Fears

That morning had started out rather slow. The wing had been remarkably quiet. A little too quiet for Poppy's liking. In any case, she simply sighed and went about her duties shifting the contents of her cabinet to accommodate the new shipment of Pepperup Potions. She soon finished up the task and was clearing away some odds and ends in her office when she heard the door open.  
  
Turning around she found Pomona and Celene, both looking very much amused at something. "Poppy, you won't believe what our new Defense professor did earlier today!" Celene gushed, her bright blue eyes sparkling. Poppy blinked and watched her two friends exchange Cheshire cat smiles. Now Poppy was even more intrigued and confused. "What's happened?" Poppy asked, sitting down and gesturing for the two of them to do the same.  
  
"Remus had the third year Gryffindors today. He'd taken them to the staff room for a practical lesson on boggarts." Pomona explained, laughing a little as she spoke. She and Celene exchanged another glance and promptly snickered as if they were sharing a private joke. However, Poppy wasn't laughing. Boggarts were not necessarily a laughing matter. The fact that they are the embodiment of one's deepest fear is definitely not a laughing matter. Though, she trusted that Remus being a very responsible man and professor would have explained in detail the nature of the boggart and how to defeat them. As such, she waited patiently for her two friends to explain what was so humorous about his taking the third years to work on the boggart.  
  
A moment later they'd managed to control their laughter and with a twitchy smile on her face, Pomona told her what they were on about. "Well once they were in the room, each student was given a chance to have at the boggart. I've had it that Mr. Longbottom was the first one to face the it and as such it took on the form of Severus, since he is what the young boy truly fears. To put it simply-" Pomona explained just as Celene interrupted her with a smirk on her face. "He'd dressed the boggart in his grandmother's clothes! Green dress, vulture hat, fox fur, and red hand bag that completes the ensemble!" She snorted quietly, succumbing to silent laughter.  
  
It was too rich. Severus Snape decked out in witch wear! Truly, not something you'd see everyday! She couldn't help it, really. Poppy burst out laughing with her two friends, finally knowing the reason for their good humor. "The whole class has been talking of nothing else! I've hear it from them as I just had them in class not twenty minutes ago." Pomona chuckled, her cheeks rosy and her eyes bright with mirth. Poppy could only just imagine. Stories like that were prone to be talked off and made to spread like wildfire.  
  
"Wait 'til the overgrown bat hears about this! He'll be vexed something awful!" Celene guffawed, a wicked expression forming on her pert face. "Celene! That wasn't kind." Poppy chastised her through her own mirth. Celene smirked and turned up her nose. "You know I'm only teasing, Poppy, but really he'll be more than vexed at Remus. Merlin knows there no love lost between those two." The Astronomy professor responded.  
  
Celene didn't even know the half of it, Poppy thought, sobering a little. Severus would indeed be more than vexed when he catches wind of it. Suddenly the whole thing went from being amusing to being serious, in Poppy's mind. She knew that no matter how much Severus may hate or despise someone he would take heed from Albus and would at least control his anger. She knew that Severus was the one brewing the Wolfsbane for Remus and that he wouldn't poison Remus or refuse to brew the potion, not when Albus requested it. Yet... she worried anyway. It didn't give her any piece of mind either, to know that one student's greatest and most deepest fear was Severus Snape himself...  
  
Soon she realized that she'd been too quiet. The two had ceased their merriment and were glancing at her curiously. "Poppy are you not diverted by this? Something the matter?" Pomona asked her, sitting a little forward in her seat. She didn't like how pale her friend the mediwitch had gone. Celene too, was glancing a bit concernedly. "Indeed! It was certainly amusing. I'd just gotten to thinking a bit. Pray forgive me." Poppy explained, smiling a little.  
  
"You're always thinking. Dratted Ravenclaw trait of yours." Pomona jested, rising from her seat. Celene swatted the back of Pomona's hand with her sleeve, with an expression of mock offense. "It's only dratted to you because you didn't have the privilege to be in Ravenclaw house you overgrown badger!" She teased in likewise manner. "Well who wanted to be in a house with an underfed bird as their mascot?" Pomona returned smiling cheekily. Poppy shook her head, smiling at her two friends. "Talk about your inter-house rivalry." She commented dryly, rising as well, and for the third time during the conversation they burst fourth with gales of laughter.  
  
Pomona moved toward the door with Celene behind her. "Ah yes, our only sport in life: to make jest of each other's prospective houses." She smiled. Poppy nodded and thought to herself that none could truly personify this as well as Rolanda. She laughed a little at the thought of it and wondered what good natured insults the flying instructor would have put forth had she been there.  
  
"We'd best be going. I've a class in half an hour and Celene will make it her personal mission to find Rolanda and tell her what we've told you." Pomona spoke up and waved away the mock glare that Celene had given her. Poppy nodded and walked them to the door. "We'll talk at dinner. Good day to you both." She smiled warmly and watched them walk down the corridor chatting away amicably.  
  
As she went back to her organizing of the wing the thought suddenly hit her, Pomona had said each student had been given a chance to battle with the boggart. That meant that Harry had faced his deepest fear too. She could just imagine the scene in the classroom, Voldemort suddenly appearing before the boy. The thought chilled her deeply. Sitting down heavily she suddenly thought to herself that if that had been the case, surely it would have been talked about. Pomona had not indicated anything of the sort, but did that necessarily mean it had not happened?  
  
Mayhap the students hadn't spoken about it, or were too frightened too. Still, that did not make much sense. Even if something frightened them, the students usually talked a mile a minute about such things after it happened. Why then had none spoken about it? Was she just making a mountain out of a mole hill as the American expression went?  
  
Frustrated with her overly fussing tendencies she rose from her seat and set about cleaning ccompulsively and when she found there was naught much else to clean she conjured up her sketch pad and lead bits and began to sketch feverishly. She didn't sketch anything in particular, just the various scenes or thoughts in her mind. She sketched until her hand grew cramped, at which point she laid her sketch pad down.  
  
Glancing out the window to see the golden afternoon waning, she thought to herself the only way she'd feel any better that day was to speak with Remus. She had to know for herself what had happened in class, concerning Harry. She wanted to know that nothing had been amiss. Though, she had to admit to herself that she wanted to see Remus. She worried steadily for him. Despite his kind smiles and warm gentility there were always shadows under his eyes and she knew the various reasons for it. She always made a point of sending up warm soup and tea, among her other forms of fussing.  
  
Vanishing her sketch pad and rising from her seat she nodded to herself. She was going to pay a visit to Remus that evening and get some answers. She would know what had passed in the classroom and she would also make sure for herself that Remus was all right. At these thoughts, she saw him in her mind's eye...  
  
"Si seulement..."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
As she'd planned to, later that evening Poppy left the hospital wing. It was a quarter to dinner as she made her way up the stairs and down the long corridor. She passed the Grey Lady and smiled in greeting but did not stop to say a word. Reaching the door to his office, Poppy knocked smartly and waited patiently as she always did. She didn't tap her heals as Rolanda would nor did she shift her weight from either leg to lean to one side with her arms crossed as Irma would. She merely stood and waited.  
  
A moment or two later the door opened and Remus stood before her. Her heart skipped a beat. He smiled a kind smile. "Good evening, Poppy." He gestured for her to come inside and moved aside to let her enter. She moved into the room and cast a cursory glance around the room. It certainly suited Remus. There were various specimens he'd managed to procure for his third year classes and two bookshelves full of the appropriate readings for his subject. Everything was neat and orderly, even the contents on the cherry wood desk. The room whispered his name, quite literally.  
  
He turned to her then. "To what do I owe the privilege of your visit?" He asked, his grey green eyes a little curious. He motioned for her to sit herself down on the chaise. He sat down as well, conjuring up two glasses of gillywater for the two of them. She smiled a little, amused that he remembered she quite liked gillywater some of the time. "It's silly really, but I heard about the third year Gryffindors practical lesson with you today." She let her eyes meet his. "I wanted to know whether or not Mr. Potter had participated in this."  
  
Poppy sipped from her glass and awaited his response. She took the opportunity to watch him a moment or two as he gathered his thoughts. He was wearing shabby but neat robes of the deepest grey that fit his lean frame quite nicely. His prematurely greying tawny colored hair was combed back in a simple and natural way and his grey green eyes were thoughtful.  
  
"No, Mr. Potter did not participate, Poppy. He answered my questions, however." Remus replied, also sipping from his glass. She nodded her head, and knew instinctively that Remus had wisely decided to not give the boy the chance. Even if it was just a boggart, what would have happened if it had changed it's form to appear as Voldemort? Panic and chaos, she wagered.  
  
Now it was his turn to glance at her. "This was the only thing you wished to ask?" He inquired of her. In her mind's eye she suddenly saw Severus Snape dressed in witch wear and remembered the other thing she'd wished to speak with him about. "I'd also heard about Mr. Longbottom's turn with the boggart..." her voice trailed off as she recalled her worry. "Has Severus spoken to you about it?" She managed to ask him.  
  
He barely quirked up an eyebrow, that small kind smile playing upon his lips. "No he has not. Why do you ask?" He responded with a question of his own. How to answer that, Poppy wondered. It would not do to tell him of her worries for him. It was her secret. "I had just wondered if he'd said something snide to you about it." She said, wondering if he noticed how phony that sounded.  
  
Remus looked at her a moment, the expression in his eyes telling her that he wasn't entirely convinced, however he nodded his head and let it be. "So tell me, how are you enjoying being a professor here, Remus?" Poppy asked conversationally, finishing her gillywater. She vanished the glass and sat back a little, quite comfortable on the chaise.  
  
"I quite like it. I don't know which is more fulfilling, the knowledge I am imparting or watching the students learn and grow." He told her, tilting his head slightly with a very contented expression on his face. He should wear that expression more often, Poppy thought to herself. It suits him quite nicely and made him look quite ten years younger.  
  
She rested back against the chaise. "That's wonderful, Remus. I'm glad you're enjoying your position here. It's been lovely to have you as part of our staff." She smiled a sincere smile. He smiled back. "I'm more than glad to be here." It almost seemed like he had been about to say something more, but he didn't.  
  
Instead he rose from his seat. "Poppy, I do believe we'll be late for dinner. Let's go down, shall we?" Remus asked, giving her his hand to help her up from her seat. She took his hand and stood to find their faces suddenly inches apart. Her grey eyes met his grey green ones, her hand still within his. Time seemed to stop and that moment lengthened. How could he not hear her heart pounding?  
  
She slowly withdrew her hand from his and averted her eyes. "Yes, let us go or we'll be late." She murmured. He nodded and opened the door, holding it open for her. Smiling a tiny smile, she went ahead of him and waited. They then walked down to the Great Hall together, her steps perfectly in time to his.  
  
Passing down the main stairwell they entered the Great Hall together and went forward to their prospective seats in the Great Hall. Glancing to her right she noticed that Albus was speaking to Minvera. Actually it seemed he was sharing a joke or anecdote, because Minerva's lips were barely curved into a smile. Poppy watched the two of them. She knew they had a special relationship. It was in their voices when they spoke and in their easy friendship. It didn't matter that Minerva had never indicated anything of the kind, and neither had Albus. Poppy simply knew. She then wondered if Albus and Minerva could have a special understanding in spite of their great age difference, then why could she not as well?  
  
"Si seulement..." 


	6. Thoughts of You

In his office, Remus stood by the window. That morning he'd taken the delivery of a grindylow for his class, and he'd been pondering just how to introduce the new subject. He was confident they'd do well. After the boggart, things in his class were on the smooth and steady side. He also noted with pleasure that Neville Longbottom was just the slightest bit more confident in class.  
  
He'd even spoken of this two evenings ago to Poppy. They'd been having one of their quiet afternoon teas and the subject had come up. Though, he knew Poppy well enough to know she'd been meaning to ask about it all along. She seemed to be worrying a little about something. What it was, he didn't know because she'd never told him.  
  
Thinking of their last meeting, he rose and moved towards his desk where the grindylow floated inside a large tank. It wasn't anything to look at. The creature was a sickly green color, had spindly fingers, and sharp horns. Indeed, not anything to look at. With a tiny smile, he wondered what the class would make of it. Soon he found himself wishing it was a weekday and not the weekend. Remus wanted to see his students' faces when he presented their new subject of study.  
  
These thoughts were soon driven away when he noticed a familiar figure walking by his door. Remus left his desk and moved to stand just inside the doorframe to call to the figure. Harry was trudging along down the corridor quietly, his eyes on the floor. Why was he meandering about alone? "Harry?" Remus called, effectively stopping the boy's progress down the corridor. Harry glanced, doubling back to face him. "What are you doing?" His brow furrowed concernedly, "Where are Ron and Hermione?"  
  
Harry looked at him and almost shrugged. "Hogsmeade," Harry said in a would- be nonchalant sort of voice. Now he understood. "Ah," Remus responded, considering the boy a moment. "Why don't you come in? I've just taken delivery of a grindylow for our next lesson." He offered, a kindly smile on his face. Perhaps even a cup of tea was in order.  
  
Harry stared back at him, his eyes holding a confused look. "A what?" He asked, as if he'd heard Remus wrong. Remus, however, gestured him inside and indicated the tank where the grindylow was currently pulling faces, which made the creature even more hideous than it already was.  
  
"Water demon," Remus told him, observing the creature with a thoughtful expression. "We shouldn't have much difficulty with him, not after the kappas. The trick is to break his grip." He then pointed out the grindylow's spindly fingers, giving Harry a professorial glance. "You notice the abnormally long fingers? Strong, but very brittle."  
  
As if the creature could understand what Remus was saying, it bared it's teeth at them and hastened to bury itself in the tangle of weeds in the corner of the tank. The effect was slightly comical to Remus, whose lip curled up into a small smile.  
  
Harry glanced up then at Remus. "Cup of tea?" Remus asked as he glanced about for a kettle. "I was just thinking of making one."  
  
"All right," said Harry a bit awkwardly. He could tell Harry didn't know what to make of him yet. He seemed oddly wary.  
  
Remus found the kettle and tapped it with his wand, from which a blast of steam issued from the spout. "Sit down," Remus gestured and took the top off the lid. "I've only got teabags, I'm afraid, but I daresay you've had enough of tea leaves?" Remus remarked conversationally, thinking of what Minerva had told him about Sibyll's death predictions for Harry. He truly wished she would find a new hobby. There was no need to create more neuroses than there already were here in Hogwarts.  
  
Surprised, Harry looked at him. "How did you know about that?" He asked. Remus smiled a little, his eyes twinkling. "Professor McGonagall told me," Remus responded, passing to Harry a slightly chipped mug of tea. "You're not worried are you?" He asked the young boy concernedly. He wouldn't blame Harry if he were.  
  
"No," Harry answered. Remus of course didn't necessarily buy that. He could tell something was worrying Harry, but of course he knew not what it was. "Anything worrying you, Harry?" He asked, his eyes gazing levelly at Harry.  
  
"No," was the boy's reply as he sipped his tea and spared a glance at the grindylow, which just happened to be brandishing a fist at him in the tank. "Yes," Harry said suddenly as he set down his tea on Remus' desk. "You know that day we fought the boggart?" Harry asked of him.  
  
Ah, I should have known, he thought to himself. "Yes," Remus answered slowly. Harry turned those green eyes on him that were more than a little curious. "Why didn't you let me fight it?" He asked abruptly.  
  
Remus raised his eyebrows, "I should have thought that was obvious, Harry." His voice sounded a little surprised at the question. "Why?" Harry asked again, taken aback. Clearly he had been expecting Remus to deny any such thing. "Well," Remus frowned slightly, "I had assumed that if the boggart faced you, it would have assumed the shape of Lord Voldemort."  
  
Clearly, this was not the answer that Harry had been expecting, as he was staring at Remus with a trace of wonder. Or, perhaps it was because he'd said Voldemort's name. Maybe it was a little of both, Remus thought.  
  
"Clearly I was wrong," Remus continued, the frown still in place, "but I didn't think it a good idea for Lord Voldemort to materialize in the staff room. I imagined that people would panic." He concluded, logically.  
  
"I didn't think of Voldemort," Harry put forth honestly. "I – I remembered those dementors."  
  
Poppy wouldn't be pleased to hear of that. Just the other day she'd had a long rant about them. No, it would not do for her to know that. "I see," he murmured thoughtfully. "Well, well... I'm impressed." He smiled and mastered the impulse to chuckle at the look of surprise on Harry's face. "That suggests that what you fear most of all is – fear. Very wise, Harry."  
  
Apparently, the poor boy didn't know what to make of that statement. He glanced down and drank some more of his tea, quietly. Remus, of course, could gather just a little of what might have been running through Harry's mind at that moment. "So you've been thinking that I didn't believe you capable of fighting the boggart?" Remus asked shrewdly, narrowing his eyes just a little as he gazed upon Harry.  
  
"Well... yeah," said Harry, who suddenly looked a little happier." Professor Lupin, you know the dementors – " He made to ask, but whatever it was that he'd been about to ask was lost on his lips as there came a knock at the door.  
  
Sitting back and glancing at the door, Remus called, "Come in," having an idea just who it might be. A moment later, Severus entered the room with a goblet that was barely smoking, in hand. He stopped at the sight of Harry, his dark cold black eyes narrowing.  
  
"Ah, Severus," said Remus smiling. "Thank you very much. Could you leave it here on the desk for me?" He politely requested, trying not to focus on the look Severus was giving him. Without comment, Severus set down the goblet in the place indicated and looked from Harry to Remus.  
  
"I was just showing Harry my grindylow," Remus explained pleasantly, indicating the tank. "Fascinating," responded Severus without so much as glancing in the direction. "You should drink that directly, Lupin." He practically ordered in his cold quiet voice.  
  
Still smiling pleasantly, Remus nodded his head. "Yes, yes, I will." He replied. Severus' expression didn't change one iota. "I made an entire cauldronful," continued Severus, "if you need more."  
  
Remus nodded, barely catching Harry's glance at the two of them out of his corner of his eye. He could tell this whole exchange puzzled the boy. "I should probably take some again tomorrow. Thank you once again, Severus." Remus thanked him. "Not at all," Severus responded and left the room with a watchful sort of expression. Turning back to Harry however, Remus noted his curious and cautious look at the goblet on the desk.  
  
"Professor Snape has very kindly concocted a potion for me." Remus explained, answering Harry's unspoken question. "I've never been much of a potion-brewer and this one is particularly complex." He commented, taking up the goblet and sniffing the brew a little. "Pity sugar makes it useless," he added, taking a small sip, only to shudder. It really was a foul tasting potion. It would have to be, wouldn't it?  
  
Harry looked confused. "Why–?" The young boy began. Remus' eyes flickered to catch his. "I've been feeling a bit off-color," he answered Harry's unfinished question. "This potion is the only thing that helps. I am very lucky to be working alongside Professor Snape; there aren't many wizards that are up to making it." He went on to explain to the boy. He took another sip and wondered why it looked like he hadn't even drunk any.  
  
"Professor Snape's very interested in the Dark Arts." Harry blurted out, looking like he wanted to knock the goblet out of Remus' hands, which at this point he wondered if he should let the boy. It really did taste awful. "Really?" Remus responded, taking a deeper gulp this time of the potion.  
  
"Some people reckon– " Harry hesitated and then plunged on with his sentence. "Some people reckon he'd do anything to get the Defense Against the Dark Arts job."  
  
That would do. Remus drained the goblet and pulled a face. "Disgusting," he said, fully thankful that he needn't drink anymore for the moment. "Well, Harry, I'd better get back to work. I'll see you at the feast later."  
  
"Right," Harry responded, setting down his own empty tea cup on the desk. He rose and left the room with the appropriate and polite thanks and went off down the corridor, most likely back to Gryffindor Tower, Remus assumed.  
  
Sitting back down at his chair, he stared at the goblet that was still smoking. He thought on what Harry had said. Of course he already knew of Severus' fascination with the Dark Arts. It had always been apparent when they were in school together. It hadn't helped that James and Sirius had always antagonized him, even if some of the time it was done in self- defense.  
  
As he thought about it, he remembered one very specific night. A night in which, if it hadn't had been for James coming through in the end, his own hands would have been stained with Severus' blood. He'd been led to the Whomping Willow earlier that evening for his transformation. At that time, there had been no Wolfsbane potion for him. He'd had to go though the experience with the mind of a wolf, whereas now, he could keep his mind in his transformation, thanks to the potion.  
  
That evening, when he was preparing himself for the pain and the horror of his other aspect, unbeknownst to him was the fact that Sirius had decided to play a little prank on Severus. He'd told Severus, who had always been very curious of Remus' mysterious comings and goings, that if he would but touch the tiny knot on the tree, he'd find what he was looking for.  
  
Of course, Severus had done precisely that. He'd gone and would have found a fully transformed Remus on the other end had it not been for James' coming and pulling Severus away from the scene. Severus' loathing for him and his friends had increased a great deal, as he well realized he'd almost been sent to his death by way of cruel joke. Remus, of course, didn't blame Severus for that, even if it had been nosy on his part to try and discover Remus' secret.  
  
No, the person he was most angry at was Sirius. He'd been used cruelly. He could have murdered Severus in his wolf form and not even known of it until the next day when he either would have been sent to Azkaban or dealt with by the Department for the Control and Regulation of Magical Creatures. Even now, he was angry. Not only because of that. How could Sirius have been so reckless and so careless? First he'd almost betrayed Remus, and then it was Lily and James. What in Merlin's name could have made him do that? Remus sighed and tried to push away these thoughts. It would not do to dwell on them. The past is past, and he needed to be strong and focus on the here and now. He would need to be on his guard even more so now, since it was obvious he couldn't trust Severus, not that he ever could have in the first place. He also had Harry to think about now. He was wanted by Sirius, and it need not be said that everyone was overly protective of the boy.  
  
Suddenly, a vision of Poppy entered his mind. He saw her as he had that evening a while ago, and suddenly wondered if this was what she'd been worrying about. The only way to know was to ask her, and he would. Indeed, he wanted to see her in any case. She was the only one he could really talk to.  
  
"If only..." 


	7. Feast For The Senses

Poppy pulled on her grey robes and left her room to head down the main corridor, her strides brisk as she made her way down to a particular Defense Against the Dark Arts professor's rooms. She knew perfectly well tonight wasn't just a normal evening. Hardly a normal evening in any sense of the word, she thought to herself as she continued her purposeful strides down to the room in question. As she passed a series paintings, she could definitely feel their eyes upon her, which made her sorely wish they'd find something else to look at.  
  
"Where are we off to, hmm?" A particularly stocky medieval woman asked, standing beside the orchard that the artist had painted her in. Poppy didn't even spare a glance at the painting as she continued her way. "Never you mind," she returned, turning the corner gladly as it meant that the woman in the painting could no longer see her.  
  
As Poppy finally reached the room in question the door opened, which made Poppy wonder if he knew she was coming. Remus stepped out into the hall, closing the door behind him. He turned and spotted her, his eyebrow arching a little as he took in the sight of her there before him. Apparently then he'd not been expecting her, Poppy realized as she took in his expression.  
  
"Poppy, what are you doing here?" Remus asked, his voice quiet as he ran his hand through his hair. She didn't answer right away, opting instead to take in the shadows under his eyes and the slight hoarseness to his voice. His hair also showed signs of strain, as if he'd tossed and turned quite a bit trying to get sleep. He looked so tired, it nearly broke her heart.  
  
Her hands ached to ease the pain from his body, as she felt his strain and fatigue permeate her being. It came upon her in waves as she stood there, looking upon him. "Remus, I'm quite surprised with you," she finally began to say. "You know perfectly well what I am doing here. I am here to escort you to the Whomping Willow as I have done before." Poppy told him, gazing with level intensity into his grey-green eyes.  
  
For a very intelligent and intuitive man, he apparently hadn't seen that one coming, as he merely blinked and stared at her. "Escort me?" He asked, his brow just barely burrowed, his eyes holding a slightly quizzical expression in them.  
  
Mastering the impulse not to shake her head and sigh, Poppy stared back at him with quite the serious expression. Was that so surprising? She'd always walked him to the Whomping Willow which just happened to be located above an entrance to a tunnel which lead to the Shrieking Shack in Hogsmeade. She'd always escorted him there for his transformations when he'd been in school. While he wasn't a student anymore, and hadn't been one for years, he was here and she would escort him as she had always done. It wasn't even for the sake of tradition why she was doing this. It was her way of revealing her care and regard for him. A small way of telling him how much she loved him.  
  
Poppy gazed back into his eyes, her expression never wavering. "Yes," she finally answered him with a level gaze. "For old time's sake," she added, for his own peace of mind, hoping that he'd understand. He smiled a little smile then, tilting his head just slightly as he apparently remembered the times past. Nodding he offered his arm to her, "If you wish it," he responded quietly, his voice soft.  
  
Taking his arm gently, Poppy checked herself. It would not to to indulge her fantasies anymore than she'd already done. How many times since his return to Hogwarts had she imagined walking arm in arm with him? How many times had she imagined herself holding his hand and tasting of his lips? Each day was so hard, as he was so close but so far away to her. Close enough to speak to and have tea with, but far away enough that she had to constantly check her thoughts and impulses.  
  
As she passed down the main stairwell on his arm, they happened to pass one of the castle's many stained glass windows, where she caught a reflection of the two of them. She and Remus were reflected a thousand times over, in colors of glinting red, green, white, amber, and amethyst. The colors and reflections wove a spell around her. Only in those beautiful glass panes could she be that close to him. Only in that light could she have a deeper intimacy with him. The sight of it held her transfixed so much that she continued to gaze at it as they passed it by and even saw it in her mind's eye as she and Remus left the castle and crossed the grounds to the Whomping Willow.  
  
Reaching the base of the tree, Remus bent over and tapped the hidden knot on the tree which caused the tree's branches to stop their swaying and which revealed the hidden door. He turned back to her then, his eyes bright in the bluish-purple twilight. "I thank you for escorting me, Poppy," he told her, his eyes curiously intense. "Here's to old times," Remus smiled a small smile before he gave her hand a small squeeze. Her heart beat just a little faster at the contact, her hand warm in his.  
  
"Good evening, Remus. I hope to find you well, come morning." Poppy whispered, still transfixed with the sight of him. Her feet were rooted to spot and she didn't wish to move away, even for a moment. She was mesmerized and did not wish to wake from the beauty of her dream. "You will, Poppy," he whispered back, "you will."  
  
Poppy's breath caught in her throat. His hand was no longer holding hers, but caressing her cheek in a slow and tender motion. She was rendered speechless as she stared into the grey-green depths of his eyes, the very same eyes that meant the world to her. The eyes that she saw almost every night in her dreams; the very same dreams that were a feast to her senses. Closing her own eyes, she just barely leaned into his touch, savoring the feel of his hand against her face.  
  
She heard him take in a sharp breath the next moment. Opening her eyes, she refocused them on him. "Is it possible?" He asked her, his eyes locked on hers and his hand still soft on her cheek. In answer she lifted her own hand to lay over his. "Yes, more than possible," she murmured, her heart racing faster than she could keep up. She was aware of each breath they took and of her heart beat resounding within her and in her ears.  
  
His eyes widened and brightened, illuminated with a light from within. In a moment he crossed the small space between them and captured her lips in a kiss both passionate and chaste, full of promise. Everything else was forgotten; his condition, the approach of the full moon, and the small fact that they were in view of the windows where anyone could have been watching. None of it mattered. The only thing that did matter was his arm about her waist and his lips on hers. The only thing that mattered was that their secret had been revealed to each other; their long quiet love and devotion had been unleashed.  
  
"I never thought it possible," Remus whispered in a quiet and reverent voice when they'd broke apart, resting his forehead against hers, his breathing a little erratic. "Neither did I," her own breaths coming in shallow gasps as she leaned into him a little. She smiled, her fingers tracing a path on those lips she'd finally tasted of, her heart filled to burst with happiness. He too smiled at her, equally happy before a slight wince appeared upon his features. "I do not wish to go now, but I must." Remus spoke, his voice a little pained. Poppy shook her head and pushed him a little towards the door. "We'll speak tomorrow, just go and worry not." She told him before tasting his lips again in a quick kiss; a butterfly's kiss.  
  
He smiled with his eyes and then disappeared into the tunnel, leaving Poppy beneath the tree gazing at the spot where he'd been. Touching a finger to her lips, she knew she hadn't been dreaming. It had finally happened, the thing that she had wanted for so long had finally happened. For the first time ever, it hadn't been a dream. It was real. Beaming with a brilliant smile, she wrapped an arm around herself and proceeded back to the castle doors.  
  
Walking up the stairwell and proceeding to the fourth floor where the hospital wing was located, she replayed the scene in her mind, aching to go back and stay the evening with him even if he was in his wolf form. She wanted to be with him forever and always, in any way that she could be. Though, she consoled herself with the fact that the dawn would bring the promise of her long cherished dream coming true.  
  
She'd just barely turned the corner of the corridor when she happened upon Severus Snape. Surprised, she stopped in her tracks, her mouth opening to greet him but the words failed to come. He nodded curtly to her, surveyed her with scrutiny, and went on his way down the corridor with his black robes swishing around him; shadows following his figure down the corridor.  
  
Poppy's surprise hadn't been caused by seeing him. No, it was fact that he and some of the other professors were given to a patrol of the castle when evening fell. No, the thing that surprised her was a quick sting in her heart followed by a wave of fear. Somehow, she felt he would trouble, danger to Remus. She couldn't even explain it or describe it. It was just something she felt which made no sense since she knew Albus trusted him and vouched for him. She knew that if he was indeed a danger Albus would know and would take care of it, But somewhere deep down, she knew he would be the carrion crow and bring harm. She shivered at the thought, wrapping both arms around herself.  
  
Shivering still, she made it to her room and readied herself for bed. After donning her nightgown, she moved to the window to take a last look at the Whomping Willow, thoughts of Remus fresh in mind. Sighing, she turned away and layed herself down, wrapping her quilt tightly about her as if it were Remus' own arms there to protect her in her sleep.  
  
"Si seulement..." 


	8. Tenderness

The next morning, Poppy woke before dawn and sat bolt upright in her bed. It took her a moment to realize why she'd woken so abruptly. It came back to her then. It hadn't been a dream. It couldn't have been. She lay back down for a moment, staring at the ceiling of her rooms, thinking of the evening before. The evening that had changed everything for her.  
  
"I still can't believe it..." she murmured sleepily, raising herself upright once more. Combing out her semi curly golden ashy tawny hair, she changed from her nightclothes to appropriate wear for the day and moved to don some shoes. After wrapping her robes tightly about herself she went about tidying her room and proceeding down to the hospital wing.  
  
Once she'd organized everything the way she liked it, neat and clean, she drew her robes tighter around herself and marched herself down through the main school and out onto the grounds. Intending to greet Remus and make sure he got proper care after his transformation the evening before.  
  
With that thought in mind, she made to go tap the knot at the base of the tree, but before she could do so, Remus emerged from the door looking quite ill and worn. However, when he caught sight of her there, he smiled. Stepping forward quickly, she caught him before he slumped over, very familiar with the equilibrium problems he was forced to endure due to his condition.  
  
Gently draping his arm around her neck and shoulder, she eased him so that he was able to stand upright and yet lean on her to walk. He glanced at her, an appreciative and slightly sheepish glint in his beautiful grey green eyes. "Thank you, Poppy. For everything." Remus said quietly, his voice a little hoarse, caressing her cheek softly. "You've no need to thank me, Remus..." she responded, entranced by his closeness.  
  
He smiled and shook his head, leaning in a little to capture her mouth in a kiss, sweet and chaste, the hand that had been previously caressing her cheek now twined in her hair. She smiled through the kiss, more than content to stay as she was, in his embrace forever. However, she pulled away, looking concernedly into his eyes. "Remus, you really need to get a little rest. I'll help you to your rooms." She told him. "All right, Poppy." He smiled his soft smile.  
  
Smiling a little herself, she helped him back into the castle, taking it slow on the stairwells, making sure he wasn't over exerting himself, much to his amusement. It was another few minutes until they'd reached his quarters, and another minute more to help him inside, to his bed. If Remus hadn't already been amused by her, he would have been more so when she made to tuck him in.  
  
"Don't you think I'm a little old to be tucked in, Poppy?" He asked, with the tiniest of smirks as she fluffed his pillow. "Nonsense," she chuckled, knowing full well she was more than doting on him. Clearly, he knew too. Catching her hand, he gently pulled her closer so that she sat on the bed beside him. He traced the lines on her hand with his finger, sending a pleasurable shiver down her spine.  
  
He tenderly kissed the tips of her fingers, easing her closer to him. "Poppy, I love you," he looked into her eyes then. "I didn't get to tell you last night, but I do." He said. Hearing those words then, whispered in his quiet and reverent voice, caused her heart to skip several beats. Happy was too soft a word to describe how she felt in that moment with him.  
  
"I love you, Remus. I have for years." She kissed him then, savoring the taste and the feel of his lips on hers. Relishing the soft movement his hand was making over her neck and jawline. She didn't want to come up for air. What need had she for oxygen when there was so much love and tenderness to be given and had?  
  
Remus tenderly brushed a lock of her golden ashy tawny hair from her face, lovingly tucking the lock behind her ear, his fingers lingering there. His grey green eyes gazed into her own grey eyes, his lips curling into a small smile. "When Albus contacted me about the position and after I'd agreed to come, I never expected this..." Remus remarked quietly, tracing her lips. She kissed the tips of his fingers. "Neither did I. It was a real shock, your appointment, but a very nice one." She smiled, gently pushing him back down on the bed so that he could rest.  
  
"All the way up, I dreamed of being back and telling you early on of my affections for you, but I hadn't the courage." He told her, closing his eyes a moment. "I never imagined that you could see me as anything other than a former charge." He admitted, his eyes opening to reveal a little bit of a sheepish glint in them.  
  
Of course, when Poppy heard these words, she smiled widely. This had not been an issue for her and she had often worried about the fact that it hadn't. "You imagined wrong, love." She rose from the bed, wishing she could stay a bit longer with him, but she knew it would not be prudent to do so. Aside from the impropriety of staying longer in his rooms with him, she had work in the hospital wing to attend to.  
  
"I wish I could stay longer, but you need rest and I have work to attend to." She reluctantly told him, giving in to the urge to tuck him in. She made sure the blankets were nice and settled around him and kissed him tenderly. "I love you, Poppy. I'll come by to see you later this evening." He smiled a little, holding her hand a moment. She shook her head, smiling a coy smile. "You'll do no such thing," she tutted, wagging her finger. "I'll come to see you." She told him firmly, smiling her warm smile as she did so.  
  
He laughed, looking upon her with an adoring expression. "All right, Poppy. See you this evening." He said, letting go of her hand. "See you, love." She crooned, moving to the door with a backward glance at him, whom she'd loved for years upon years. She truly wished she could stay the day with him, tend to him, be with him, but she knew she couldn't.  
  
"Si seulement..." 


End file.
